The sun has not risen yet. It’s still dark. Light is about to hit us. There is messages all around us. In the dark and in the light, there are tiny little messages. My son said, look mommy we can all fit on one tiny bed. I thought that was a message. He’s barely 4. He probably didn’t mean it as a message but I carried his voice with me all day. It was my guide. We find our reasons to survive our day, week, month, year. Those reasons can be big. However, usually they start with small things. Things like something someone says in a certain way. Or something we see. Or something we smell even. We take it with us and we let it guide us.
You want to know what that is in reality? Absolutely nothing; it’s just us trying to survive. We are making meaning out of things from around us to make life easier for ourselves because there is really no meaning in most things. Sounds pretty hopeless. Only it’s not, its most full of hope. We do what we can to survive and find meaning in things that may not have any meaning. In the end we find meaning in the most wonderful and unexpected ways. Life moves forward and we make so much stride in the most brilliant ways.
The pretty ones at least? Now, can we not please? At least not the ones that just recently became fathers or are about to. I know this topic has bean talked about but not enough in my opinion and some things have been missed. And I don’t like to miss the opportunity to talk about pretty boys in any capacity. I get it; we all have a thing for beautiful fathers. But here’s the issue with that, all of us beautiful mothers get left out of that scenario usually.
Im the one who had my body cut open to have a little person pulled out of it less than 24 hours a go but, yeah lets talk about how great my husband is for sleeping on the uncomfortable hospitable couch, and while we’re at it lets discuss if I know when was the last time he ate something. Oh, let me add I was waking up every few hours to feed that little person. He could not be woken up even if an avalanche hit him. Believe me, I tried. Boy, did I try. I hit him with things, big, heavy things because the baby was crying. He needed a diaper change. The man sleeps like a freaking log. So I threw a pillow at him. The husband, not the baby, missed him. It’s not easy to get in and out of bed after a C-section. Anyways, back to the topic.
Being a mother is so overrated, isn’t it? It is. Mom stories a total snoozfest. No young girl, or guy fantasizes about women with baby bellies and pregnancy weight. No one talks about how women look carrying carseats, or with that burp clothe on her shoulder. Hand Ryan Reynolds a stroller (baby or not) and he’s called a hot dad. But the woman who actually carried the child and then gave birth to it? No, those women are not hot because they are moms. They were hot before. They might be after. IF they lose the baby weight. They actually lose some of their hotness in the process of becoming moms unfortunately, all the while these men became more desirable to the entire world.
Im not questioning the hotness of these men; who am I to ever do that? Im not questioning what these men may do for their families. Im sure they are great at home. It’s not these men that I’m questioning really, or that they are not doing their jobs as fathers and husbands. Im actually questioning a phenomenon in our world today; My point is they might be doing a wonderful job but that is all they are doing. It’s just what they are supposed to be doing. If I didn’t do anything extra ordinary by carrying and then pushing out a 7 lbs baby then my husband didn’t do anything extra ordinary by taking care of me and the baby. We all did our jobs. We all kicked ass at it, sure, but we did what we were supposed to that is all.
So, you want to say these guys are kicking ass at being actors, sure they are. Are they kicking ass at being dads ummm…don’t know. We don’t live with them.
That brings me to my next point. Just because we see them carrying a baby bag or hear them saying they change diapers doesn’t mean they actually do. Moms never say they change them, doesn’t mean all moms do. They all claim they help their wives, girlfriends, newsflash, doesn’t mean they all do.
Where’s the crazy praise for the moms who actually carried and delivered the babies? And are carrying the scars?
So, here’s what I need everyone to remember that all the other article, posts written about it just stop short of, we don’t know who these men are. We want to see them with our perfect “prince of the weak because I really want to watch that movie” colored glasses. But in a relationship is that really who they are? Does he wake up for night feedings? Because he had a baby a month ago and he’s been out promoting this movie since forever. So, let’s get real. The media has to do what the media has to do. We need to get real. I will still say Chris Hemsworth is awesome and I’m dying to watch his latest movie. But does that have anything to do with him being a great dad? Nope.
It has to do with him being a great actor and with his personal life really not being my interest even slightly. He’s easy on the eyes, the movie looks good, if they don’t show him as perfect all around, you and I might not be as interested in watching the movie. Also, did you know Emily Blunt is pregnant? Yeah, I’m sure you knew, so it will sell more to put John Krasinski in forefront as a dad prince than Emily Blunt as a new hot mom. I may be wrong. That’s just how it usually works though. She’ll have a belly. He has abs.
Now the question is what difference does it make? Why does it all really matter to you and I?
I’m not saying that it’s not okay to praise men for being good parents and husbands. Everyone should be encouraged for doing a good job and working hard to fulfill their responsibility properly. Did you get that? Everyone. There are plenty of mothers who don’t take their jobs as moms seriously so if that’s the reason for glorifying dads then that’s a terrible reason. That’s like saying there are a bunch of serial killers out there, so you are a wonderful human being for not killing people.
It’s that kind of entitlement that the world gives men on doing so little that makes them feel important. They turn around and make everything they’re wives do seem unimportant. It’s that kind of entitlement that says you work 24 hours a day with the kids but the three hours that I put in are so much more than what you do and if you ask me to get milk after those 3 hours I have put in, I will lose my shit. They translate that to mean that the women don’t appreciate them and keep asking for more.
It’s that kind of mentality that if the wife ends up sleeping in, when she wakes up, God forbid the husband or boyfriend had to give the kids breakfast. Father of year! And the bragging to the world, amiright? Everyone has to worship the ground he walks on. Now he has earned the right to be upset with his woman if she asks for anymore “favors” the rest of the week because he does so much for her and the children. Not all men of course, but a lot of them see it that way. Do women brag about feeding and changing the babies and sending the kids to school? Or making dinner? Of course not. Who would listen? Who would care? That is our purpose in this world after all, what else would we be doing if not that? We need to stop doing that. We need to give this responsibility back to the fathers to raise their children. We need to give husbands and men the responsibility of taking care of their families just as the women do. It’s not a favor. It’s hurts them, it’s hurts us, and it hurts our children.
In the end I say I’m all for gray haired, bearded, eye candy. Heck that got me to the movies. I was well aware of the propaganda but it still worked just the same. I guarantee you the next advertisement tactic will take me to the next movie too. However, the cost may be far greater to me and to my household. I will enjoy the movie, at the same time I will suffer as a mother because someone has created a false world for me to live up to. In that world where my husband’s gray hair and glasses are considered sexy but I can’t dare walk into a party with glasses and gray hair because that makes me look unkept. A world where he can brag about cooking dinner and have everyone think he’s a fantastic caretaker whereas I sleep guilt ridden because I let him cook for us. If I mention something similar it’s received with weird looks because that is my job and why would I want praise for doing something that I am supposed to? It’s a thankless, cruel world that we get lost in. It’s a world where you don’t get thanks from your partner, not even from your kids. They love you for sure, but they don’t thank you. They don’t appreciate you. My kids know mom will always be there. They’ve also unconsciously learned that mom’s always here. They don’t thank me because they know it’s my job to take care of them. Dads a hero because they think it’s not really his job but he still does it. Mom is solid. Which is a great feeling but its also kind of disappointing because then I am not special, and dad wins again. He gets the “hero” status. Us moms are forever sucked into oblivion of momhood and dads get all the glory. We don’t want all the glory. We want to share it. We don’t want all the responsibility. We want to share it. Lets keep it real people. Im not talking metaphor and cool people talk here. I actually mean Lets. Keep. It. Real.
I actually would like to see a day into the life of Seth Meyers baby. That would be keeping it real. A little bit. I guess. It would be a start.