This describes me and how I feel. How I write, how I express myself. Who I am in general. You want to get to know me, you will have to take the time. You want to learn about me, take the time. You want to understand my point of view take out the time. Otherwise you will always wonder and never understand me. Not understanding me is not such a bad thing, not everyone is meant to know everyone well. Most people are just travelers in our lives. However, if you choose not to be; it will take time.
I am a bad mother because I didn’t choose the same struggle as others. I’m a bad mother because on some instances I chose comfort for myself over faking martyrdom. I’m a bad mother because I’m not a man and I cannot make choices accordingly.
I’m a bad mother because I can’t always do everything the way society expects me to. I’m a bad mother because I speak of wanting a life of my own. I’m a bad mother because I want to choose a life for my children based on what “I” think is best for them and not what others deem appropriate. I’m a bad mother because others don’t see my struggles and have made up their minds about who I am. I’m a bad mother because after taking care of my children, husband, home, and other family members and working for years, months, weeks without complaining I’m exhausted and want to take a break. That break costs me, that break is considered laziness. That rest and time out is a sign of my disinterest.
Honestly, I don’t even want to make the same choices. My world is differently layered that cannot be explored by the naked eye.
My choices make me a regular person. Just a person; Not good or bad.
Just like the children’s father’s parenting has never been questioned my parenting shouldn’t be questioned as well.
The reality we live in is rude and mind numbing.
It feels as though women are gripped by the throat, that grip ever so slightly being tightened and loosened depending on what actions are approved or disapproved by the world around with no consequence to others.
Anytime we express a thought or “feelings” they are simply explained away as emotions that have no place in a real conversation or the real world. Which, now we know as educated, informed individuals is the farthest from the truth. Expressing our emotions is one of the most valuable things one can do in any relationship, whether it be a personal one or work one. Of course the limitations and etiquettes differ.
Not expressing ourselves and denying others the same opportunity is what has landed us here.
In summation, I’m a bad mother because I’m Human, I’m a bad mother because I’m a woman.