I will find you. I know. I am not alone. I am not the only one who thinks of my strength. I am not the only one who thinks of me. I know you are there somewhere. You are are here. Surrounded. Around me. I will find you. You will be with the ashes of my burning soul. You will be with me. I will know you. I will be that person who gets known, gets seen. I will be seen by you. I will see you because you will know.
You will know, wont you? You will want to know, wont you? There are times when even I don’t want to know. I want you to always want to know. You have always been that person. That constant. I cant keep losing you. I cant keep losing you in the crowd, in the noise. It’s been too many years.
You remember. You remember those days when we were something. Something more than, less than. The days when being less and more was everything.
I remember my soul. I remember it so clearly as if it was yesterday. I will find my soul again. I will find it again.
As time passes by we become something of a mystery to ourselves and then we along with everyone else wonder how things are what they are. I wonder that too. Where are you now? Where is my soul? You own the ashes, for you burnt it all to the ground. Only you can bring it back. Whatever it is, you have it.
My newest youtube video is about my kids riding the rickshaw for the first time. This is a shameless plug with a message that we have become one of those people. Yes, one of THOSE PEOPLE
It’s also a kind of awareness that I need to start raising my kids a bit differently. Which really means I need to start living differently. When was the last time I truly stepped out of my comfort zone? When was the last time I looked at what really scares me? When was the last time?..oh you get it.
Any way, did I mention I’m a youtube star now? Or a youtuber, whatever they call those.
Every night I close my eyes to sleep. Every night the same beautiful colors dance around me. There is no pain. There is no sadness, there is no hurt. Where did you come from? I ask. Where? Right here. We came from within you. We are you: the red, blue, yellow, pink. Blood, bruise, anger, fear, pain; that’s us. Your soul has drowned in us.
Now you don’t feel the feelings, now you see colors, now you FEEL all of us as a part of you. We are your pleasure. Your dancing companions. Isn’t it pretty? they asked. The rhythms are to die for, don’t you think? And die I shall for the beauty around me. Artist: @sikandar.shazia