This month starts, and you start hearing seeing all these beautiful things surrounding you. It is a limitless ocean of beauty and awe. Some of us, however, wake up with a heavy head not being able to function, not because our heart is not into this month, not because we don’t have a connection with our lord, mainly because we can’t make a connection with our own souls. There is so much to sort through. This month, with everything beautiful, it has to offer comes upon us and demands that we give in. What if we have nothing left to give? What beauty do I have within me? What greatness or pureness can I contribute?
We feel lost and abandoned by the best because we don’t have what everyone has in their hearts. At some point in our lives, at some Ramadan, we have all been there. We’ve all felt it but have not been brave enough to speak because that would be the real weakness. We think we are alone in this feeling. Does anyone ever just want to stop because they feel they don’t deserve all the good things they have been promised in return for doing just a tiny bit, which they can’t seem to accomplish at the moment. No one has ever been here. I am alone in this. This is my struggle. No one knows it. No one will ever know what it feels like not to feel that connection. No one will ever know what it feels like not to want to get up and do the right thing. I will not share with anyone because no one has ever felt this pain and discomfort. I will not share because no one has ever been here. You. Are. Not. Alone.
We’ve been talking about how to stay connected through this lockdown, we discussed how to talk to your children. We even talked about what to do when this lockdown and the talk of the virus starts to feel like its taking over our lives. It’s all very superficial, everyone says we need to be hopeful. Yes hope is good.
We all need to be positive about which way our lives need to go. There are some aspect however that are right in front of us that we find hard to control. We need to be honest about those at this point. How is your home life? I mean the stuff you keep safely edited from instagram. The real stuff. How are your kids? Those talks worked, I bet. But then you’re out of their favorite kind of cracker. We all know that feeling, don’t we? The fighting and trampling all over each other. You yell. They tell louder. The older children ask you a million questions if they see you dress up to go out even to the grocery store because they are so fearful of what’s out there. “Coronavirus” is going to get you, mama you will get sick.
How many of you wished that your spouse was in another country.? Safe, no doubt, but on another continent, planet. Hell, this life already feels like a sci-fi flick, why not go all the way? No matter how much you love each other, this is not a normal setup for any household. Let’s talk about how much we are loving everyone who is far away from us. We want them to be with us constantly. We are worried about them and the assumption that they would be great partners for this apocalypse is truly otherworldly. You know whose a great partner in reality? Netflix.
Let me ask you; are your kids asking you a bunch of questions about coronavirus that you cannot answer?
There are so many unknowns. So much wrong with the world, their world has turned upside down and no answers to be found anywhere.
Sounds about right. Mine have questions about how much longer they have to live in quarantine and how much longer they have to worry about the coronavirus?
The most important thing that I have found at this time that has worked with my kids has been honesty. I can’t give them an explanation for everything that is happening, but I can give them some answers. The answers I don’t have I honestly tell them. The approach of being open and communicating what is going on even if that means not having all the answers is way more beneficial to children of all ages in this uncertain time. Im sure most experts would agree with that.
Another thing that is essential is making them feel safe. So, I forget the sequence of what’s more important. Being honest or making them feel safe, they are probably both equally important. Of course we can never promise them or guarantee them 100% safety even in the most normal circumstances. However, you define normal. What will be important is to make sure they understand that they are with people who love them and are there with them to protect them to the best of their abilities.
Another issue that is important to keep in mind while going through this with your family is over exposure. The stories and news about people affected by the lockdown, Covid-19 or other problems related to it are everywhere. We have nothing else to do but flip through the news and the constant flow of information being provided to us. While we are exposed we unknowingly expose our children to it too. Whether its watching TV in front of them thinking its just the news so its harmless. Or talking about it without censoring ourselves assuming the little ones aren’t paying attention-they are always paying attention.
How do we counter these problems? How do we distract them and ourselves? They are not the only ones over loaded with all of these questions and thoughts.
Focus on the positive. Look for the people who are helping, those who are doing what is needed. The biggest dilemma of this pandemic is that we are feeling helpless. That feeling of helplessness and being locked away is hitting everyone the same. We need to find ways to get everyone involved.
Getting involved means different for everyone. For your family it may be a prayer circle every day, donating money, or calling some sick friends. You could also try some off beat techniques. The internet is full of them. Try other ways that will ease your anxiety. The more you are at peace the more your child will be at peace as well. Your child’s mental health is tied to you. Your offspring is forever connected to you. They will always feel your burdens. Ease your mental burdens and make them a part of that process. This will make them feel connected to you and make them feel like a part of something bigger. They will feel as though they are helping.