A Cliche’ Fat Girl Post

I would like to tell you a story about a girl who likes to travel a lot. That’s me yes I called myself a girl we’re not making a big deal about it okay? Moving on…I’ve also lost about 40 lbs. or so this year. How are the two related? Im about to tell you, you need to get comfortable because this whole piece of writing is about to get pretty uncomfortable for a whole lot of us. This is not a pleasant topic for anyone to talk about. Certainly not a fun one for someone who is still heavy on the scale. So yes, lets have some fun! Now you know an obvious fact about me, here is another one: I’m not a very friendly person if you are traveling with me. I’m not going to strike up a conversation with you if you happen to be seated next to me. I’m not going to share anecdotes about how jumpy the plane is while we eat our meals together. I’m just not that person. I’m not a complete cold-hearted passenger either. If your child is crying for a yogurt and I have one in my tray, I’ll give mine happily. I’ve even shared my iPhone charger with a woman whose phone was dying when our flight was delayed and she needed to let her family know that she was stuck with the rest of us (see how I mention that like its such a great thing when its not even? That’s the kind of person I am while traveling).

However, please do not ask me about my life story or try to tell me yours. I’m not interest. Too tired. Too sleepy. Simply don’t care. No, don’t judge me so fast. There are good reasons for this utter lack of wanting to communicate with fellow humans.

1.  I’m traveling with my children and/or husband, and I really don’t need more people to talk to if I have miraculously gotten a few moments to myself.

2. I’m by myself, which means I’ve managed to get away from all of “them” and I want to enjoy the peace and quiet.

Anyway, Back to the actual point.

People always want to talk though. I always have to answer a few questions yes/no/I don’t know/I’m sure you’re right. Follow that up up with a smile and a gracious nod,  burry my head in my book and pretend to disappear. It’s works most of the time. Sometimes I get overly enthusiastic talkers and for those you also need the headphones along with your nose really really deep inside that book but then sometimes you just smile and nod along because you realize there is no way. This nice person has no other way to pass the time in this boring airport or the plane ride. And I am sitting in the window seat.

All of that aide, what I never had the patience for is men flirting with me.  I never had a lot of those. Every now and again though you get one of those sitting next to you and you just want to throw up from their presence because on a plane there is no escape. I always thought that I had such a strong personality that no one dared to come near me. I have traveled alone a lot so its not because I’m always with my husband or kids.

Past few months I’m seeing more and more men trying to strike up conversations with me at airports and in airplanes. I would mention other places but wherever else I go people mostly know I’m married or I have other people around me so that opportunity rarely ever comes up. I would be okay with that if it was just innocent passing the time kind of thing. I was getting really confused. What has changed? Am I dressing different? Im the same, wearing crappy clothes, no makeup, don’t want to talk to you, please mind your own business, person I’ve always been. So what’s different from a few months a go? I came back from a recent trip and stood in front of the mirror because I was trying to understand this whole thing, which was annoying and extremely frustrating. If I didn’t  want light conversation I sure as hell didnt want people flirting with me. Then it hit me. I’m lighter than I was a few months a go. People have always been nice to me, men and women alike, but I think this is the first time so many men are trying to talk to me. So, here’s the downside of losing weight. Those experiments people go around doing in fat suits and whatnot? Well here it is. I am your walking, talking, experiment.

Results: People like thin people.

You want more? All right, lets go. Here it is.

Everywhere I go people seem more interested in me. I have never had the feeling that I’m being ignored or that I’m not valued. Yes, if I sound a little over confident, I definitely am. However, I have noticed, after losing the weight the attention and value comes before people strike up a conversation and get to know me. It makes me wonder what’s up because Im not used to it. I wonder, “I haven’t told you about how cool I am yet why are you already liking me so much?’ Then I remember ohhhh I’m thin now, got it…okay now I don’t like YOU…bye.”

The world changes when you change, losing weight can be a really great feeling when Im by myself and realizing how great it is for me and my family or when you’re getting compliments. Even when Im realizing how much more I can do for the family and myself. Its true that once you start to work at it the flow makes it easier and its even kind of fun. Yeah that was hard for me to type. Losing weight CAN be FUN. This is coming from someone who has battled on the wrong side of the scale for decades.  But when I see that reaction, from acquaintances and strangers alike, it makes me feel blagh. What’s even worse in this entire situation that I’m not some extremely beautiful person where you would think that the butterfly in me has come out. Most of the time I’m in my pjs with no makeup trying to be polite to barely keep it together with my kids in public. Maybe jeans, or at most a casual dress, anything better is probably some sort of party and your lucky day. Im a pretty self-obsessed person so if I were super beautiful I would be the first to tell you. Just goes to show you how much weight matters to our world. Not like we didnt know it already but experiencing it first hand gives you weird tingles all over and not the good kind.

This hurts even more because my weight problems came mostly from my illness and they are solved because I stopped my medication that was making me gain weight. No one cared to hear that. No one sympathizes with that situation. They are just happy for me. Scratch that. They are happy that they don’t have to look at a fat body. When I tell them yeah I don’t take the medicine because it’s not available in the country I live in, I’m currently looking for a substitute that works. Im in a lot of pain, in the mean time it is really helping me lose the weight because all the work out and eating healthy sticks. All I get in response is, “hey good for you”. I also said “I’M IN A LOT OF PAIN” but yeah focus on the weight loss part alone. That’s nice, thanks.

I know how it feels to be fat. I also remember when I was young and thin. Then I got married and life, kids, everything else weighed in and I weighed even heavier. Everyone had an opinion about it. Everyone judged me and told me to just lose the weight. “What are you doing about the weight?” They would say. Like they care more about my life and my children than I do. Like I could JUST lose the weight. As if I don’t worry about my blood pressure and how the weight impacts the back pain and my other issues. As though I’m not finding ways to be healthy. You see my body once a week I see it 24/7, calm your selves with the concerns. I love myself more. I assure you.  I wont put everyone in that category but lets bee real, lets analyze our own selves; isn’t that the truth? Be honest. It’s been pretty obvious from the latest reactions since I’ve started losing the weight. I definitely appreciate the support. The support I get from a lot of the people that care about me, they helps me to go on and keep working harder.

Okay so mister stranger, creeper man, you want to talk to me? Lets talk. You got a wife at home? Kids? Sister? Mother? Husband? Anybody you respect? Well I got a husband and two kids. I’m trying to potty train the little one these days and the house is just a mess. Nothing stays clean ever, everything smells, combine that with the smell of a day old nuked French toast and…what? Conversation is over already? All right I guess its back to playing with my phone, too bad for me (sad face emoji).

SuperMom To The Rescue!

Supermom phenomenon; I’m sure it’s been talked about. I’m usually late to most parties because I’m not super anything. I’m lazy and tired and sick a lot of the time. That’s not said metaphorically. I have Rheumatoid arthritis and severe sciatic pain so I’m actually in a lot of pain. So, I can’t keep up with life and what’s hot and what’s not. I wouldn’t know if this topic has already “trended” or not. I just thought to write about it because I’ve been feeling it, and I’ve been seeing and hearing so much of it around me.

This word seems to be reserved for a certain type of mom and it seems to shame the rest of us into oblivion. Then they want to hear “oh please take time for yourself.” While they look at us as though they are saying, “its not for me but you do you”. These are good moms. Good people. They are not doing it on purpose. They have just gotten used to flaunting the title. So if they don’t put up a few pictures of their greatness and get a few comments every day they can’t go through life.

While the rest of us quietly struggle without being super anything. You see people like me, we have perfect lives so we can’t be super because everything comes easy. Oh so easy. So if the husband is perfect, the kids are easy, there’s no housework then we must not deserve any kind of credit and we are not being great. We MUST get lost in the sea of many who are just below average. Our struggle is not worthy, or important because others can’t see it. I mean where are the pictures? Where is the constant status updates?  Seeing and hearing is believing, right? If I don’t “see” it, then it must not exist.

It’s all about permission. When I am not able to walk to the bathroom, I have to be carried. When my son will not use the potty with anyone else but me and I cannot for the life of me move from the bed. I sit there trying to convince him that just this one time let someone else help him and next time mom will take him. He doesn’t understand and he cries. I tell my maid to just take his hand and walk him to the bathroom while I hold back my own tears. Yeah I have a maid. A luxury? Is that How you see it? Not when you’re son is crying for you and you cant perform the simplest task of taking him to the potty. So no, I don’t have permission to be complain because I have a maid and my life is so comfortable. The sad part is in that moment when I look at my phone to distract myself and some friend or even some stranger is being deemed as a “great” mom for making organic meals for her kids or some other mom talking about how she doesn’t have a TV in her home and spends hours doing crafts, I just want to throw my kids ipad and store bought chicken nuggets in her face. I can’t do all those things because I will be parenting from the bed for the next week on the account that I can’t walk. Also for that reason my kids will be relying on the ipad a lot and eating a lot of chicken nuggets from a fast food joint. I have a maid but I cook most of the time. They don’t like the maid’s cooking. It’s easier to just give them what they like when I’m in this condition. But you’re not going to know any of this because all of this will not be plastered all over the internet with pictures. Hence no mom of the year award for me. No supermom title. All that brings is guilt. Guilt of not being enough, guilt for not doing enough. I have always fed my kids a healthy diet. I don’t feed them junk food a whole lot. I even freeze food so that when I’m not able to cook we can defrost healthier options than resort to junk food. But sometimes when you are sick and tired its easier, and I’d rather my children be happy and comfortable when Im cranky and frustrated myself. Still after all of those conscious choices when I see those moms feel less than them and I feel like everything I am doing and everything I am all of a sudden doesn’t matter.

Is that the only reason though? Obviously not, I can be insecure but it’s not that bad for me yet. What really gets to most of us out there are the people in our lives who are taking a page out of the internet and applying it to real life. Same logic. Show me and I’ll believe it. If you don’t talk about your great mothering, or your great struggles as a mother then you don’t deserve the title either. The rest of you who struggle silently sorry, the world has nothing for you. That is the only truth these days.

I truly hope that the point I’m making is not being missed. I don’t want the title. I don’t want to be one of those “internet moms”. I mean I do the best I can. I don’t want to be a sucky mom either. I do feel bad when I feel like I am not doing enough for my kids but I certainly don’t want to do more because I want any kind of title. HOWEVER, it does bother me when I realize that there are many more women like me who are going through so much every day dealing with their daily struggles. They have to feel like they are not good enough or even worse; feel guilty.

I actually am okay with being not supermom if it weren’t for the guilt that it brings sometimes. People tell me that my life is perfect and I have it so good.  I stay quiet. Can’t say much when you don’t have pictures to prove otherwise ya know?

The real question is though, why does the Internet only like to talk about the plight of only a certain type of mom and give her the title? the single mom? That’s a struggle for sure. However, there are plenty of women struggling whose husbands come home as well. I know my opinions are not going to be too popular with the most. But just hear me out. I’m not trying to say that the single moms are not doing a tough job, they are. It’s difficult for them. Somehow, however in honoring them we have completely ignored the other moms who also need attention that have it tough a lot of the times. Husband doesn’t always mean things are sailing smoothly. They have husbands, kids, in-laws, responsibilities, and a bunch of other messes to deal with. Believe me they are barely afloat struggling to breath. They don’t have fancy ways of describing their struggle. They just take it one slow puff of air at a time and hope for it to soon end. That is precisely the reason they don’t show up on your social media, they are not cool enough to “trend” and be super moms. They are far somewhere away from our realm of reality. We call them a happy home because they have a husband and kids. What do they have to worry about? They are not doing it all? They’ve got it made. The real struggle is elsewhere. While those women slowly drown, unheard, unknown. They are not special because they don’t have special anything. No suits, no briefcase, and above all no lack of husband and money to bitch about to the world.

In all seriousness here’s my question to everyone out there. Why isn’t being a mom/ wife enough anymore? Why do you have to be great at it? Why do you have to be greater than? I get that we all want attention. Sometimes that attention comes at the expense of other people, other mothers and other families. Not everyone is the same, not everyone can be the same. Don’t put the same kind of pressure on everyone. When you compare me to someone who doesn’t have the same health issues as me you make me feel less than. I can’t scream to the world or carry around my medical records. When you compare a working mom to a stay at home mom that’s not okay. Sometimes the hours of two working moms are different which leaves them different times to do different types of activities. It’s all really hard and it’s all really easy, depends on whom you ask. Maybe we should stop asking people all together. Why does it even matter who is doing what? Why do we need to praise parents for parenting their children? I know, I sound like a crazy person but that’s me. I don’t care what kind of parent you are if you are a parent that is your job. However you choose to do it you are choosing it so stop expecting kudos from the world.