Supermom phenomenon; I’m sure it’s been talked about. I’m usually late to most parties because I’m not super anything. I’m lazy and tired and sick a lot of the time. That’s not said metaphorically. I have Rheumatoid arthritis and severe sciatic pain so I’m actually in a lot of pain. So, I can’t keep up with life and what’s hot and what’s not. I wouldn’t know if this topic has already “trended” or not. I just thought to write about it because I’ve been feeling it, and I’ve been seeing and hearing so much of it around me.
This word seems to be reserved for a certain type of mom and it seems to shame the rest of us into oblivion. Then they want to hear “oh please take time for yourself.” While they look at us as though they are saying, “its not for me but you do you”. These are good moms. Good people. They are not doing it on purpose. They have just gotten used to flaunting the title. So if they don’t put up a few pictures of their greatness and get a few comments every day they can’t go through life.
While the rest of us quietly struggle without being super anything. You see people like me, we have perfect lives so we can’t be super because everything comes easy. Oh so easy. So if the husband is perfect, the kids are easy, there’s no housework then we must not deserve any kind of credit and we are not being great. We MUST get lost in the sea of many who are just below average. Our struggle is not worthy, or important because others can’t see it. I mean where are the pictures? Where is the constant status updates? Seeing and hearing is believing, right? If I don’t “see” it, then it must not exist.
It’s all about permission. When I am not able to walk to the bathroom, I have to be carried. When my son will not use the potty with anyone else but me and I cannot for the life of me move from the bed. I sit there trying to convince him that just this one time let someone else help him and next time mom will take him. He doesn’t understand and he cries. I tell my maid to just take his hand and walk him to the bathroom while I hold back my own tears. Yeah I have a maid. A luxury? Is that How you see it? Not when you’re son is crying for you and you cant perform the simplest task of taking him to the potty. So no, I don’t have permission to be complain because I have a maid and my life is so comfortable. The sad part is in that moment when I look at my phone to distract myself and some friend or even some stranger is being deemed as a “great” mom for making organic meals for her kids or some other mom talking about how she doesn’t have a TV in her home and spends hours doing crafts, I just want to throw my kids ipad and store bought chicken nuggets in her face. I can’t do all those things because I will be parenting from the bed for the next week on the account that I can’t walk. Also for that reason my kids will be relying on the ipad a lot and eating a lot of chicken nuggets from a fast food joint. I have a maid but I cook most of the time. They don’t like the maid’s cooking. It’s easier to just give them what they like when I’m in this condition. But you’re not going to know any of this because all of this will not be plastered all over the internet with pictures. Hence no mom of the year award for me. No supermom title. All that brings is guilt. Guilt of not being enough, guilt for not doing enough. I have always fed my kids a healthy diet. I don’t feed them junk food a whole lot. I even freeze food so that when I’m not able to cook we can defrost healthier options than resort to junk food. But sometimes when you are sick and tired its easier, and I’d rather my children be happy and comfortable when Im cranky and frustrated myself. Still after all of those conscious choices when I see those moms feel less than them and I feel like everything I am doing and everything I am all of a sudden doesn’t matter.
Is that the only reason though? Obviously not, I can be insecure but it’s not that bad for me yet. What really gets to most of us out there are the people in our lives who are taking a page out of the internet and applying it to real life. Same logic. Show me and I’ll believe it. If you don’t talk about your great mothering, or your great struggles as a mother then you don’t deserve the title either. The rest of you who struggle silently sorry, the world has nothing for you. That is the only truth these days.
I truly hope that the point I’m making is not being missed. I don’t want the title. I don’t want to be one of those “internet moms”. I mean I do the best I can. I don’t want to be a sucky mom either. I do feel bad when I feel like I am not doing enough for my kids but I certainly don’t want to do more because I want any kind of title. HOWEVER, it does bother me when I realize that there are many more women like me who are going through so much every day dealing with their daily struggles. They have to feel like they are not good enough or even worse; feel guilty.
I actually am okay with being not supermom if it weren’t for the guilt that it brings sometimes. People tell me that my life is perfect and I have it so good. I stay quiet. Can’t say much when you don’t have pictures to prove otherwise ya know?
The real question is though, why does the Internet only like to talk about the plight of only a certain type of mom and give her the title? the single mom? That’s a struggle for sure. However, there are plenty of women struggling whose husbands come home as well. I know my opinions are not going to be too popular with the most. But just hear me out. I’m not trying to say that the single moms are not doing a tough job, they are. It’s difficult for them. Somehow, however in honoring them we have completely ignored the other moms who also need attention that have it tough a lot of the times. Husband doesn’t always mean things are sailing smoothly. They have husbands, kids, in-laws, responsibilities, and a bunch of other messes to deal with. Believe me they are barely afloat struggling to breath. They don’t have fancy ways of describing their struggle. They just take it one slow puff of air at a time and hope for it to soon end. That is precisely the reason they don’t show up on your social media, they are not cool enough to “trend” and be super moms. They are far somewhere away from our realm of reality. We call them a happy home because they have a husband and kids. What do they have to worry about? They are not doing it all? They’ve got it made. The real struggle is elsewhere. While those women slowly drown, unheard, unknown. They are not special because they don’t have special anything. No suits, no briefcase, and above all no lack of husband and money to bitch about to the world.
In all seriousness here’s my question to everyone out there. Why isn’t being a mom/ wife enough anymore? Why do you have to be great at it? Why do you have to be greater than? I get that we all want attention. Sometimes that attention comes at the expense of other people, other mothers and other families. Not everyone is the same, not everyone can be the same. Don’t put the same kind of pressure on everyone. When you compare me to someone who doesn’t have the same health issues as me you make me feel less than. I can’t scream to the world or carry around my medical records. When you compare a working mom to a stay at home mom that’s not okay. Sometimes the hours of two working moms are different which leaves them different times to do different types of activities. It’s all really hard and it’s all really easy, depends on whom you ask. Maybe we should stop asking people all together. Why does it even matter who is doing what? Why do we need to praise parents for parenting their children? I know, I sound like a crazy person but that’s me. I don’t care what kind of parent you are if you are a parent that is your job. However you choose to do it you are choosing it so stop expecting kudos from the world.
To Whom It May Concern 