why do women dress up? We wear makeup for men? For ourselves or families? This debate has been going on for as long as women and makeup have been around. The simple answer would be that every human being likes to beatify themselves. Why does this need for women has to turn into degrading and shaming women. We don’t say that to men when they wear too much cologne or whatever else they may choose. I’m not knocking it or over simplifying the problem I’m actually here to present another perspective. What if the need to dress up comes from a need to connect? Everyone wants to be remembered and loved. I hope you remember my necklace story. My son just yesterday asked me again where my necklace was at bedtime. My skin is still healing. That’s what made me think of all those times my makeup, jewelry, clothes made us connect.
I had been asking my husband to exchange our wedding ring for a bigger one. Now it’s the smallest I have. He always looks at me disapprovingly when I say that. “What? It will still come from you? With love?” I respond, every time. I was getting dressed for a party one day and I had all my jewelry spread out on the dresser including the tiny wedding ring hiding in the mass of colorful gems and beautiful decorated beads. My boys were helping me pick out what to wear. The older one says, “this is the best one,” in his hand was our wedding ring. That is the ring I wear most. It’s not about the jewelry. It’s about the connection. There’s a certain lip color my boys love on me. Whenever I wear it they always compliment me. I couldn’t put it together. Just recently adam said “this is the color of your kiss”. “My kisses don’t have a color” I thought.
A while back his school gave us a cut out of his hands to send a kiss in to keep in class, in case the children missed their mommies. I was wearing that color that day.
This is why.
There are many different languages in the world. Many different ways for people to remain close and tell one another, “I see you”. This day and age has found another way to say this and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. It may not be for some, but that doesn’t mean it’s not an expression. We need to let them have what works for them.
You should write a book. You should write a blog. What’s your secret? What diet plan are you on? Talk us through what you eat every day.
Are you taking some kind of diet pill? What motivated you to make the change? But there has to be some kind of plan. What’s your exercise regiment? Come on, you have got to know how many calories you eat/burn per day? Did you eliminate carbs? How many hours per day do you work out?
What diet plan? WHAT DIET PLAN DAMN IT?
It was not a big elaborate thing this weight loss. I didn’t count my calories or plan out my days or weeks. I just started moving a little more and eating a little more greens and the other stuff thats good for us, bit by bit. Kept it light and easy. In small doses so it didn’t over whelm me because it was for real this time and I didn’t want to quit or freak myself out myself out this time. So I started slow and steady as they say for the lack of a better term. And I’m not nearly done. I still have a long way to go so this is not a before and after thing. This is a work in progress.
Maybe the only two questions I can answer, are: 1. What motivated you to make the change? And 2. What kind of exercise do you do?
I guess technically what kind of diet “plan” would be a legitimate question as well: stop-eating crap. Literally that’s it. I’m not saying that I took out everything fun from my life because I couldn’t live like that. I did all those fad diets, and they just weren’t for me. The weight kept coming back because I kept going back to eating normal stuff. So my best bet was to lose while eating normal stuff that I like. Just eat it in moderation. Just eliminate the food that was not healthy and eat more of what is healthy. Something I could make a habit of and keep up.
And I do workout regularly. It is hard at first but gradually it gets easier and easier. Well when I say “easy” I mean it is eventually doable. None of this is easy. You need to find what motivates you. One day something inside you will tell you that enough it enough and its time for change. That day you will be ready for all of the change and hard work. Slowly but surely you will see it. You will see your face getting thinner. You will feel bones where once there was flesh. You will have to buy new wardrobe because clothes will not fit right (this is my favorite part). I am not a health nut. I don’t check calories on my food. I don’t automatically go for veggies and fruits. I love candy. Now that I have kids I can actually justify having candy and chocolate on my nightstand even though most of the kinds I eat they don’t like. Still I’m losing weight because I’ve found something that motivates me.
I was over weight for over 20 years. It wasn’t just a few pounds over and not just for about a few years. It was for over two decades and about 100 pounds. I have illnesses that make moving around difficult let alone working out. Eating healthy just wasn’t enough. And here I am today, moving forward with no plans on stopping.
Two days a go I walked up a pretty steep hill without pulling a muscle or needing to go back or stop. I have not wanted to get on the bus or take a taxi once our entire vacation. My husband keeps asking me if I want to stop or take a cab again and again. I get annoyed that he’s asking so much. Now Im realizing its because he’s not used to me being able to walk to so much and not get tired.
People always came at me with different diet plans and different workout plans. I could never keep up with any of those things. My needs were different. I have chronic pain. I have so many other issues that people didn’t understand. I used to get upset at first and used to try to explain my situation. Then I realized that most people are not concerned with my health they just don’t want something fat and ugly to look at so I just decided to ignore them and worry about me because that after all is the most important things of them all. I wanted to wait and see what suits me. The person who is concerned about my health, the person that wants me to be healthy is not going to talk AT me about losing weight and being healthy but is going to work with me on my time and my convenience. Between being ill, going to school, working and having children working out, and eating right becomes kind of difficult all the while having surgeries and on bed rest days and weeks at a time. Just stay with yourself. Don’t think you will stay that way.
Just remember that you will decide everything and everything will happen on its own time. It may not be now, or a year from now. But it will happen. And then it will not happen like a miracle. It will not happen and change your life over night. It will be an up hill battle. Slowly, you will take one step and then another and then another. You might even want to give up a few times. However, when you go shopping for a new wardrobe the first time or you grab yourself in a certain place and there isn’t any flesh then you will realize you are on the right track and the road ahead will seem closer and worth it.
Now close your eyes and think about what it will be that will make you say…Enough!
Every time I showed the faces of my 4-year-old and, 5-year-old to anyone and asked, “can they go up to Acropolis?” They paused for a second. Then very hesitantly they would say, “Well people have done it.” I don’t know. You can try”. However, this is one of those places where you don’t know when you get to go again. Once you are here you want to do everything. I also want my kids to experience as many things as they can. I want them to know the world not just from our eyes but from the eyes of others as well. I want them to see it and know it as others have known it. If they have a chance to learn that from this age then why not? So we took a chance and believed in our kids, and more importantly believed in our selves as parents.
On the way there and back I didn’t see a single child their age. It could have been a coincident. It is a place for adults after all. Not just for adults but for adults who really care about, history, culture, and philosophy. Kids care about none of that generally. I was scared to make this adventure with them. In the end I was pleasantly surprised. They loved climbing up. They did not complain once. Loved all the birds and bugs they found on the way. Pretended all the marbles was water and made a game out of everything. Every time they saw any marble or slippery surface that we would ask them to be careful walking on or running over they would scream, “BE CAREFUL OF THE WATER, YOU WOULD’NT WANT TO SLIP”. People would look around to see where the water is. A few times, quiet embarrassed, we had to explain to people, that there is no water and the kids are just pretending. They went up and came down just the same, running and playing. It was great.
Goes to show you my kids surprised me. I don’t have a big huge lesson for anyone here. Just a small reminder for myself why I haven’t stopped traveling even after having kids. Its hard and frustrating sometimes but its worth it because in a few years I will have awesome traveling buddies who will understand the world so much better than me and might even teach me a thing or two about how wonderful it is if you just let your mind run free.