How do you get out the first words? They are always the hardest, right? They should be about something? Something important? Something meaningful? Something that people would want to read about? Something people would care about? A story perhaps? Or some life experience, something you have seen or done that has moved you from deep down inside. People would read it and think “wow this person is really unique and has something really important to say. I want to read it and understand it”. Someone could also read it and think, “this person is just like me. I feel connected to this person.” So many different feelings we want to give our readers.
I, however am going for the third emotion. I am going for, “she’s insane, that is not how it’s supposed to be.” I’ll also even settle for, “yeah, that’s also a way of thinking about it, that could also work.”
So, what I am trying to do here is trying to connect to that void and make sense of that upside down piece of puzzle that doesn’t fit anywhere. Well, that’s what I am going to try and do sometimes. Most of the times I am just going to type and let out what’s in my brain onto the screen and hopefully decipher it along the way. This whole thing has turned into a blog I suppose. I have lived life. You see, I have two toddlers who are always making me run after them and when I have no energy. I have been so many things, and now after being a mother I feel like I want to stop being everything else only because I am tired. But I loved being a student. I loved traveling without worrying if I kept enough diapers for the flight, or if we need to take the side by side double stroller or the longer front and back one. Or maybe just make them walk? But then, we might need to keep their hats because it might get sunny. Do we have room for hats in the bag? Yeah. Travel. Fun. I love being a mother too. I just would love to be able to do all those things again as well. I am now slowly trying to get all that back. I want to have it all together. I know…HAHAHA.
Okay, we can all stop laughing now. Really.
My children are precious because they came after a lot of hardship and a lot of wanting and prayer. My life began with them after a lot of difficulty, so I have learned not to take anything for granted. I will take this journey of starting to learn to do the same things differently and I want this new world to come along with me. After all this is not the first time I am changing my life to fit the needs of the present, but more on that as it comes.
The travel has not ended either. I am somewhere I never thought I would be. Where? Most of the time I can’t even get myself to say it because that makes it real. We’ll leave that discussion for next time.
I will go to the past to take some from there to see what worked and come back here to see what I need to keep moving further to the future. Lets see where this whole thing takes me.
The world is about to see and hear so much, is there anything in the world that can make more noise than me and my children? hmm…lets find out.