My Bleed

I talk but I’m quiet most of the time. I don’t let the bleed of the heart come out much. I have been feeling it a lot with everything that’s going on around us. We have the ability to discuss other people’s lives and the audacity to make decisions about them like we are in charge of the world. We like to play god and then we like to play martyr in the same breath. Then when we our verdict, we sit back and watch everyone’s life crumble while we do nothing. I include myself in those people. I am not any better because I have done nothing other than contribute to the same discussion. I think sharing a few posts on Facebook is going to make it all better. The guilt inside that tells me otherwise but I tell myself; go ahead keep doing what you are doing. You are spreading the message, that is enough. I want to believe it. My comfort is more important than the suffering of others and I get comfortable in the knowledge that I informed people. I did my part for the day. I am done for today. Tomorrow is a new day.

All the while all the knowledge of everything that going wrong in the world, everyone that is hurting in the world is bleeding in my heart. I know I am not doing enough. I know that can’t be it. I know I can do more. I want to do more. I look at my children, at their peaceful faces that are not being harmed in any way. My children that are not in any immanent danger and think what if they were? What would I do? What mountain would I not climb? What ocean would I not cross? What blast would I not throw myself at to save them from? In the end if there were people who refused to help me save them what would I think of those people? What would be my emotions would I have towards those people? What would I want to do to those people if I ever got a chance? So I wonder today how much right do I have to be called a good person because I claim I care? I wonder how much of a right I have to be called a decent person because I claim I have not hurt anyone knowingly. Because hurting people is what I do everyday knowingly. There are bombs, guns and disease that kill children, their families every day while I do nothing to help. So, no I am not a good person. I do hurt people deliberately every day.