You know how you’re trying to sound deep and intelligent? How you wait for inspiration to hit you to write something great and meaningful? Some valuable piece of literature that, at some point in history, thousands or even millions will benefit from? You really can do it. That shit is real. It may not be real the way the world imagines it. It may not even be real the way you imagine it. That’s because you imagine it like it happens to other people. For example, not everyone wants to be recognized in the world of art, and literature. That’s just me. Your dream might be to better yourself on a more spiritual level. Same, BTDUBS.
You might crave to be a scientist who is good with chemicals and numbers. So not Same.
There isn’t just one life goal, right? My other life goal is to also be more aware of my surroundings. I’ve been at my computer for 15 minutes trying to type and was having quite a difficult time. Everything was blurry. I was thinking, “wow age is really banging hard at my door”. Then I realized I wasn’t wearing my glasses. Maybe I should also aspire for a better memory? Remember to be aware of your surroundings. Seems accurate.
Here’s what happens when you’re trying to *find* yourself and are trying to wait for inspiration to come and punch you in the face. Usually you pretty much get ignored.
I know. I know! Seriously though, I have been trying to write something. I have a bunch of unfinished articles. They are so good. But they are not awesome. I keep putting them aside thinking something will hit me that will make them even better. What is missing? What am I doing wrong? Is it writer’s block? No, I’ve been writing, I just don’t like what I’m writing. Maybe I need to try harder, work harder…or…maybe I just need to let it come to me. Let what come to me? How will I know, that it’s here?
I think that’s what we call inspiration, in other words laziness. Although just recently I read an article that claimed that there is no such thing as ‘laziness’. That made me feel so much better about my life and life choices. That means what we call inspiration is actually running out of options and then bull shitting our way out of it.
I could get poetic about what is really going on. I’m pretty sure y’all know I’m not going to. Inspiration is just us. It’s you and me being too tired. It’s me decluttering my brain to get a decent thought formulated. Inspiration is you realizing that you are already a ‘scientist’ because you always knew your stuff. It was just a matter of getting out there and showing others. That push that we give ourselves is inspiration, muse or whatever other name we want to give it.
Yes, I am saying this to you. I am saying it’s a part of you and when you decide to let it out, it comes out and gives you exactly what you want from it. Until then it kind of chills somewhere deep inside. Since I now believe there is no such thing as laziness, we are just shoving this thing down because we are afraid, tired or plain old not sure of ourselves. I have said this before; I’ll say it again. It’s easier to say…I can’t think and I’m too lazy to do anything right now then to say, “I am afraid” or “I am tired” or “I am not sure if I can succeed and I’m not sure if I can handle more failure”.
When we finally realize that sooner or later, we are going to have to get out from under our own selves because there is nothing else left to get underneath, we kind of hesitantly get up. We start calling it inspiration. Not saying at all that it’s a bad thing. I am just saying it’s all us. It’s not something that someone gives us, does to us. We just figure it out. We do it because we can.
Sounds better than saying, “I had no choice man. Being a loser just isn’t working out anymore. I have too much debt.”
I have made a lot of major changes in my life over time. I know that most of those changes happen because I was desperate. I knew that I was out of options. People ask me, “so, what made you do this?” mostly looking for some profound response. All I usually have is; because I had to.
I’m told that my blog should be about how I lost all this weight, and how I’m keeping it off. The problem is, there’s no story here. I could make one up. Truth though, is that I got super sick and I didn’t have many other options. I could make a story out of it. It would probably even sell pretty well. It wouldn’t be the reality.
Full disclosure: Now I’m careful about my health because I like being pretty, and the fact that I can wear any outfit from any store. Also, the health thing.
Here’s my conclusion; we are always our own “inspiration”. That guilt we feel when we think we are not doing enough is useless and instilled in us by our damaged brain. So, inspire yourself and get somewhere, and if you don’t feel like it today it’s all right because there’s always tomorrow.
You know why? Because we are not machines. We are people. Brain needs rest. Our brain gets happy, it gets sad. It does not function the exact same way every day. Stop feeling guilty for having a unique day, each day. Don’t apologize for your humanness, take advantage of it.
I fully plan to. I’m going to finish this piece. Then I am going to write some other stuff that I probably have already written about. My family, that is what I’m going to do. I am going to bitch about my family in my next post.
My humanness is my inspiration.
To Whom It May Concern 