Every occasion is special for a reason. We celebrate because there is something to celebrate. And then there are those who celebrate because there is nothing else to do. What of those? They are stuck between everyone else. Trying to find a reason to smile looking for a reason to smile because they are constantly being told they don’t have a reason to frown. This has been said, and this has been discussed so many times but has this been seen by those who need to see it? Observe it? Are you noticing when I tell you I don’t want you to tell me that, “everything is okay” because that’s how you feel? My loss is not the same as yours. My pain is not the same as yours. I can laugh with you, hell, I can even be happy for you when you celebrate, what I can’t do is KNOW that it will be okay. At least not today. I want you to understand that. Yes, you. I want you to know that. You claim to know me and love me, yet you chastise me for my pain. You chastise me for the lack of that smile on my face. You claim to understand what it’s like to have that darkness that eats away at your insides until it’s just a black hole but when I can’t muster up that song and dance in the moment, I need to work on my attitude?
I am selfish. I want to be selfish. Not because I don’t care, because I can’t care. Because that hole has eaten at that too. Trying to care is like spilling guts and blood I don’t have anymore.
Whew! That was fun.
Next time you ask someone to be happy and just take a minute away from their problems to live a little think about this.
There is so much more to say about this, but this is no time for darkness. After all it is Eid, why be so Grimm, right?
After thought: There is so much that’s happening to us every moment. Our lives are being turned upside down. These things don’t disappear because it’s Eid or some other holiday we hold dear. In fact, these things are tenfold staring us in the face, and brighter because of these days. Please remember so many of us are going through this alone. So many of us are ”celebrating” without those that we have never been without. So many of us are trying to find our way in a new world with new beginnings taking on completely unchartered paths. It will take us a while to smile like we used to. We will all get there; we all need you to be patient and remember.Remember and know. Be mindful.
Realize that months, years, celebrations, holidays all come and go but there are some things that cannot be altered, some things cannot be controlled. Human life, human emotions and the fragility of human condition; be it emotional or physical is beyond us. Please give everyone, including yourself time to process and let it be. From those of us who face all of these every day, we are not trying to ruin your celebrations or holidays. We are trying our best to navigate our everyday life that we feel is slipping away. Realize and remember.The emotions attached to traumas, life changing events, and mental conditions do not take a break for any day.
Happy Eid y’all!