I have seen those who claim to be “found” and enlightened. I pray to God I never become like those. If history is any evidence, I would much rather be “lost” and enjoy my life with the dignity it brings. You are welcome to join me, I usually have cheesecake! 🙂
I have been chasing happiness for as long as I can remember. I do remember being happy. I also remember being extremely unhappy. What I don’t remember is true happiness. So I chase it. It’s right here, within reach. However the second I lose sight of it I forget that I am happy and that my happiness is all around me. So I chase it.
The moments that I cannot escape are my happiness. My children, the running, laughing, with stars in their eyes and always a spring in their step miracles; they are my happiness. Then I watch them run into a distance and my heart is restless. So I chase that feeling I had a few moments ago. I am unsure, there is a certain uneasiness in my soul. I have often wondered if I ever loved someone or something as fearlessly and mercilessly as I do my children. I have wondered what I did with my worries and my heart before they came along.
I remember that there has been plenty of happiness to chase. My mind has never been free of the burden of loving mercilessly. My soul has Survived darkness because of the happiness these hearts brought me.
Time doesn’t stop or slow down for anyone. As I hold on to my boys and my hearts I realize the sky is filling up with stars shining just as brightly as the ones I’m holding on to.
Time is ever-flowing. Yes. It does, however, give chances; second, third, love will grow in numbers, hearts, in stars, if you let it.
There is no happiness, there is no permanent joy. There are only moments. Find them. There are only those we love, we have to let them create memories their memories for us. We have to let them chase their own happiness so they can keep filling the sky with stars brighter than the sun and as fierce and free as love itself.
Learn to say NO. The only way to show love and care for others is not to give of yourself until you have burnt out. Tell them that it’s not a good time. Explain the extent of your situation to them. If you are afraid that they will be upset then that right there should be a red flag to a toxic relationship. If the fear is in your head and you have never tried to tell them how you feel then try it, you might find them more supportive than you’re giving them credit. Either way, your sanity is important. Any relationship has to be two-ways to be a healthy one. If the expectations are leaning too much in any one direction, toxicity will eventually create problems. The general understanding should be that no means no under any circumstance, in any type of relationship without hesitation.
Reality Check: Our reality is made for us and us alone. Kind of a strange thing to say, ain’t it? We imagine the world in a certain way, then the world happens to us and we are left in awe of reality. We control only our actions. Ironically we don’t even control our thoughts. At times even our actions get away from us. I can think of a few examples for myself where my thoughts and actions got away from me. I can think of many instances where I wish I had acted differently. I wish I had said something else. I didn’t, only because in my reality things weren’t supposed to go down that way. In my reality, people were supposed to see things my way. They were supposed to “understand”. They were supposed to “know”. They were not supposed to be so irresponsible and absurd. The world was supposed to understand how important this issue, event, or incident is TO ME. I am the central part of this issue. Why have they not seen this? In MY opinion, what they should have done is this…
If it had been that way things would have been the way my reality demands it and the outcome would have been as I had imagined and the world would be right. We forget in those moments that we and the people closest to us are not the only ones living in that exact reality. The world overlaps a million times over. That same event, situation interrupts the lives of so many. So how is our life event more valuable than that of someone outside of our reality’s viewpoint? I have written and said and written the word reality so many times that it is starting to sound unreal. Un-real! That’s the word for the other person’s reality in our head. Same world different realities. Nope, one world, one reality. Simplify the world that we live in with everyone. Not every situation is happening to us, it’s just happening around us. Accept it, live with it.
What’s more perfect one day before you when all the panic is starting to set in than having coffee while Watching a holiday baking show meanwhile one kid visits a friend and the other packs for him and his brother. Let’s pretend for a few minutes they don’t have a project due tomorrow and I don’t have a house to wrap up. I guess Dawud has the packing covered. My travel anxiety and Dawuds packing skills; let’s see what comes of it.
Life is extremely entertaining, that is if you want it to be. A week after I took these pictures both my boys decided they don’t want to take Taekwondo anymore. Not sure what the right parenting move is at this point. Do I tell them, we don’t quit or do I say, eh it’s cool, you do you. As of now I’m going with “you do you”.
What’s funny to me though is that all of you probably think I’m a soccer mom with kids who are involved in all sorts of extra curriculars. Am I giving myself too much credit? Have y’all figured me out? I promised my kids 3 days ago that I would clean their play area with them and here I am “on Instagram again” as my younger one would put it. Yes, it’s the other way around in our house. My kids get upset with me for being on Instagram. I mean my work is mostly social media and internet related. Point being I’m a lazy mom. That has its benefits though. They have been cleaning it themselves. The process has been slower but they are working on it. They are making decisions on what goes where. Small decisions like one box for cars, one box for action figures, etc. This is teaching them how to organize their stuff, something that I used to do beyond their school bags. Lazy parenting has its benefits. I will go in the end when they’ve done most of the work and they have a sense of accomplishment to finish it up. and give it my final touches. Even now I go and just give them some ideas in a way that they think it’s their own and let them do the work. I started out with a different point, which was that not everything is as it seems. My kids are not high achievers. I am not a “have everything together” kind of mom. The activities I may have so proudly talked about are long gone because we don’t take life too seriously.
If anyone is showing you a perfect version of themselves and their life with their kids where they and their kids are making no mistakes they are not telling you the truth. Don’t let that discourage you. However you are choosing to raise your children is the right way, there are no bad kids and no bad moms just horrible humans who make other humans feel bad. ags. Lazy parenting has its benefits. I will go in the end to finish it up once they’ve done most of the work and have a sense of accomplishment. Even now I go and just give them some ideas in a way that they think it’s their own and let them do the work. I started with a different point, which was that not everything is as it seems. My kids are not high achievers but I do make them work hard. I am not a “have everything together” kind of mom. The activities I may have so proudly talked about are long gone because we don’t take life too seriously.
If anyone is showing you a perfect version of themselves and their life with their kids where they and their kids are making no mistakes they are not telling you the truth. Don’t let that discourage you. However you are choosing to raise your children is the right way, there are no bad kids and no bad moms just horrible humans who make other humans feel bad.
We live our lives in fear. Fear of someone getting upset. Fear of someone not approving of our plans. Fear of not having a job to go back to. Fear of not being able to handle certain situations. What if I get sick? Fear of being a burden. It’s not easy taking children everywhere. What if it’s too much for my body? Sometimes they can ruin others’ vacations. In all these unknown fears we as a family, never took vacations together. It was never the right time, never the right weather, the right anything. However, if the pandemic has taught us anything is that life is too damn short. We are learning to live in the now.
The lesson that I always come out with from my impulsive behavior is to try everything at least once. So, I would recommend taking a vacation with your close family and friends at least once in your lifetime. Those fears will still be there to haunt you just the same when you get back.
As women, we have been conditioned to do that over and over again no matter what the results. Sometimes, the results are brutal and devastating however, we keep going. We still strap ourselves in and go for a second, third, fourth, or fifth round because we wholeheartedly believe that this time it might be different or this person might just care.
It’s a blessing to know, don’t you think? It’s a blessing to finally know. Our curse is to believe in something that’s not there. Our curse is to love something that doesn’t exist. As a people, we have learned to put our faith in those that will not come through.
What that person has is no concern and a free reign on us. They know that we will keep coming back for more without a single consequence to them. They are free to do as they choose. So where does that leave us? As people, as women? Merely saying that we need to change things is not enough, changes need to happen. We need to wake up from deep within to realize what’s being done to us. How do we achieve that level of consciousness? I didn’t come here with answers today, just a bunch of questions that we need to find answers for very soon.
I don’t mind being told I have “an attitude” I’ve learned that’s not always a bad thing. What has been getting me down and breaking my heart is the lessons I’m having to teach the next generation of young women. I’m having to tell them over and over again that their strength will be mistaken for rudeness. I’m having to reassure them of their capabilities. I’m having to teach them the value of always being true to themselves because most of the times the world will tell them that they are better when they don’t give their opinions honestly and just agree. I’m having to tell them that this reality is not changing anytime soon and their patience and limits will be tested over and over again. I’m having to tell them to keep their cool because if they lose it they are labeled, not taken seriously anymore no matter how intelligent or capable they are. I’m having to tell them to not second guess themselves because they are being questioned. I’m telling them to stop apologizing for mistakes they haven’t made. In the end I remind that one day it will get better and they will be respected and appreciated for only their talent and hard work. No one will notice their gender. Hold on a little longer. That’s what I wish I could tell them. Instead I give them examples from my life; at 45 years old, 20 plus years into my career I am still questioned and second guessed. As a mother I’m undermined by friend and foe alike. I tell them this is our reality. Learn to live in it, accept it, be emboldened by it. Never give up because someone else tells you to. Keep doing what you do best. Today I wake up in a slightly better world than I used to 20 years a go. I promise, your children, your young will wake up in a better one because you didn’t give up.
Did we celebrate our freedom? All freedoms? Is it over now? How is today going? Are we still free today? Free to do what? Are we still celebrating today? If so, celebrating what? How about we leave the celebrations behind and start thinking. Thinking about what we celebrated yesterday. What freedoms we are grateful for today. While out and about yesterday in the middle of the day with my children we came across herds of people in cars, bussed and motorbikes singing, dancing in the middle of the street. I wanted to get away from them. Their “celebration” of OUR freedom made me, a fellow Pakistani, feel unsafe. What were they celebrating that I couldn’t get on board with? How about we don’t celebrate that kind of freedom? Are we ready to talk about issues and come back to the real world where putting up flags and merely singing songs, blowing horns doesn’t change things. Can we come back to a world where we realize that posting pics of dead people AFTER they have been brutally murdered doesn’t change anything either. Let’s start working on a country that knows that we don’t have much to celebrate at this point. We have so many chains around our ankles, so many nooses around our necks. Let’s come back to a world where we realize we need to free our country all over again. Freedom for Pakistan once more!