Being sick is hard on everyone. These days with Corona on the loose, everything is way more difficult. Chronic Illness and Chronic pain has been my constant companion, whether I wanted it or not. In a changing world, this old friend gets even more intolerable. People however, stay just as ignorant.
Shall we get into the kind of exquisite dialogue I have had with my wonderful male colleague? Who, by the way, is no longer my colleagues because of said dialogue. I was told work would be delivered within an hour. When it was not, I asked what had happened. I was asked to define “working hours” it was the middle of a weekday. Im sorry, what? You want me to tell you what working hours are? What kind of intimidation tactic is this? His exact words, “yes, I said I’ll deliver it in one hour on a work day in working hours. We have to first define what working hours are.” Seriously dude. Why is there a confusion? Working hours are the normal freaking working hours. He lives in the same city so you cant say theres a confusion over time zones.
So I need all of you just sit tight while I complain about how hard it is to be a woman doing business in this world. I know, there are worst catastrophes to talk about but today I choose to highlight this one. This is not something that should go unnoticed. There have been days, nights where I have stayed up wondering if I should just quit and get a job because where am I really going to get trying to fight and push and shove my way through this mess of men always trying to push me away. I mean, my gosh. Have all of you just completely forgotten that we are just as much human as the men, or were you never taught that? This was never a part of any lesson, ever? Was it? The things I have had to listen to and I am expected to put up with is horrifying. I sometimes ask my husband, who also runs his own business, if he had to deal with some of the things that I am dealing with, and he has no idea what I’m talking about.
Im not known for my cool-headedness and my calm demeanor. Many times when I tell people its hard to run a business or be a working woman in this world, Im told its because I’m too aggressive. Damn, right, I am. I am not going to go into that same old discussion of, “no one would say that to a guy,” but no one would. I’ve met plenty of assholes getting away with assholery in the name of being tough bosses.
Oh and the amount of men have tried to explain MY job to me is unbelievable. The amount of men that have tried to explain to me how writing works who have not picked up a pen or typed a word in their lives is amazingly high. Now, all of a sudden every guy is an expert on how to attract women to the subject matter we are talking about in my website; womens issues. Apparently I don’t know what I’m doing and they can help me do it better. They all seem to know what women want. They really really do.
Ask me how many men have asked me, “are you sure you understand what your audience wants?’. Actually don’t, its just going to frustrate you. Usually I don’t have an answer for them, because what women want is the exact opposite of that.
Oh and like anyone employing another human being you dare ask the hard questions no matter how polite you’re being they WILL get offended. A woman’s job is just to be impressed by their abilities and skills and hire them without asking any questions. On may occasions I have noticed they will start a conversation or an email with “dear sir” but as soon as they hear my voice or see me sign off with my female name they feel its completely okay to call me by my first name. I am still just as many years their senior. I am just as much their boss or going to be when they thought I was a man. I, btw have no issues being referred to by my first name. Im just pointing out the hypocrisy. However, that kind of respect is only reserved for the other kind of bosses, the other kind of seniority, not the female kind.
In the end I would like to say #notallmen, but you know, still, a lot of them. What kind of experiences have you had with bosses? I’m currently facing more than one kind of bias. We will talk about the other kind some other day. Tell me what other biases you guys face at work? Maybe that will be my in to tell you my other ‘fun’ stories from work.
Also, my people, you are staying safe right? I hope so. I need y’all alive and healthy.
http://www.Femmerang.com Ready to go live in a few hours. Cannot be more delighted by how we have made it to this point. To all of you who have helped me get here…I’ll buy you something pretty some day!
I recently read somewhere that this is the time to connect with people that care about us; This is the time to be around them more. Somehow as some of us feel we are more able to spend time with our loved ones because of all this technology at our fingertips, some of us think that we are entirely cut off. While we might be on our phones or computers all day long, we might not be that great at using it for communication.
This makes me think of coffee or tea, depending on where your heart truly belongs. A good cup of coffee can cure any ailment. You will feel that’s not true if you are not addicted to this pure joy.
When you first open your eyes in the morning, look around to see the sunlight beaming through the window no matter what your night has done to you, you know your coffee/tea is going to take care of you. I have heard it being compared to a warm hug. Sometimes you need a kick in the pants. You smell that beautiful aroma that tells you the day has just started, and you are still as strong as you were yesterday. Get your ass up and try again.
No warm hugs for you today.
Isn’t that what friends do on a bad day?
A warm hug. Yes, that too. Im, not the hugging type. I need someone to tell me to stop being a baby and get it done. I need someone to tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself. Who can do that better than the bitter, sweet, hotness that is my first cup of coffee?
Oh yes, I have made actual human friends over cups of coffee too. The few that I cherish have been over the beverage of our choice. That is why it’s hard to imagine now having friends without this beautiful liquid.
What I’m trying to say and failing at explaining is that have you noticed how many of our friendships and hangouts depended on coffee, chai/tea(same word, different language)? We have forgotten how to communicate since we don’t have the option to sit down over a hot beverage. I have a cup of coffee next to me as I type, and I feel like I can’t get through writing this without taking a few sips of this magical serum. This is what we call coffee culture. That was my point, I think. When I started drinking coffee, it was those late nights and early mornings that every student has to deal with. Then came work and married life where you have to work and deal with those pesky life issues where people want from you, and their wants mean you need to be alert after that children. Now coffee is a matter of survival, honestly. Just give me an IV at this point. This is not about fun and sitting around with my friends, sipping on something, and discussing my problems and current events. This is how I open my eyes. I hope and pray the kids don’t wake up before I finish my first cup. Then the rest of the cups are taken in between trying to help them with homework and finishing my work like right now.
Somehow some genius saw the value in it for people like us. They decided that those of us who need it to survive could go-to place to catch a break. Now coffee shops are places where we go to find our solitude and escape from the world…or used to go to.
When that world that we are trying to escape is the world we have to embrace fully, and the people we go to for solitude are unavailable, all we have left of the coffee culture is coffee. How do we talk to people without coffee shops and coffee? Just people? That’s a little strange, don’t you think?
I have found a friend in the beverage itself. Nevertheless, the smarter thing to do would be to make yourself a cup of coffee and video call a friend. Maybe remind them to make themselves a cup of chai or coffee first, too. Im sure its better than drinking alone.
I am such a long way from this young woman. I remember this day. My beloved cousin was getting married, and this is a picture from one of the million functions we had for her. I was actually excited about here, after a very long time something mattered because I knew I could have fun MY WAY. I had earned my freedom. I had left the life I didn’t want behind me. I was embracing who I wanted to be, I was changing, evolving, becoming me. This me that y’all know and barely tolerate. This young woman had no idea how much harder it would be to become her own person. Maybe if she knew she would choose to stay tied up in the glass house crumbling piece by piece. Maybe climbing all these mountains and going on all these adventures wouldn’t seem worth the trouble.
Today, I can tell you I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m stronger, lighter, braver, and without any regret today. That little girl who was shoved into situations she didn’t want to be in would be proud of this young woman in the picture, and this young woman would not believe that she would become me some day. So…kudos to us.
This month starts, and you start hearing seeing all these beautiful things surrounding you. It is a limitless ocean of beauty and awe. Some of us, however, wake up with a heavy head not being able to function, not because our heart is not into this month, not because we don’t have a connection with our lord, mainly because we can’t make a connection with our own souls. There is so much to sort through. This month, with everything beautiful, it has to offer comes upon us and demands that we give in. What if we have nothing left to give? What beauty do I have within me? What greatness or pureness can I contribute?
We feel lost and abandoned by the best because we don’t have what everyone has in their hearts. At some point in our lives, at some Ramadan, we have all been there. We’ve all felt it but have not been brave enough to speak because that would be the real weakness. We think we are alone in this feeling. Does anyone ever just want to stop because they feel they don’t deserve all the good things they have been promised in return for doing just a tiny bit, which they can’t seem to accomplish at the moment. No one has ever been here. I am alone in this. This is my struggle. No one knows it. No one will ever know what it feels like not to feel that connection. No one will ever know what it feels like not to want to get up and do the right thing. I will not share with anyone because no one has ever felt this pain and discomfort. I will not share because no one has ever been here. You. Are. Not. Alone.